I’ve decided to start chronicling some of the jobs I could possibly apply for. Most are courtesy of Craigslist.
Needing participant for a biology experiment – “I am doing experiment for my school paper, would like to know if anyone can participate in my study. It’s the study of urinary bladder sizes between male and females of different ages. I could offer $3 per person. All you have to do is wait until your bladder is completely full. Then you just need to void it in a big water bottle to measure the volume. It is repeated 3 times. I am needing about 60 persons. I am a student and could only offer $3 as it will cost me $180 already. I need to get random samples, so this is my best option to collect the participants instead of one area or one community. Thank you for your help. If you could help me free, it will be great. You can submit the result to me by email including the volume, your age, sex, and height, and I will send you $3 through paypal or mail it to those who does not have paypal. Thanks again!”
Dude. I will totally void my pee in 3 bottles for 3 dollars
Teach ESL in your home – “Pick up foreign exchange students at airport, provide room and board, give them AM private ESL lessons, and return them to airport.”
…this sounds reallyfuckingstrange to me
Attractive Girls Wanted for Bubble Bath Wrestling – “Attractive girls wanted for girls bubble bath wrestling at a sports bar in downtown Pomona. We have been at it for a couple of months now and the show is growing. Be a part of this fun time. It’s really a blast and all of the girls are friends. You would work Tuesday nights from 10pm-midnight. You only do about 15 minutes of actual work. You get paid cash. And you all split the door money plus tips. We are also going to give three of the girls 2000 dollars, 1500 dollars, and 1000 dollars toward breast augmentation as an ongoing prize. You really can’t lose. Come meet the girls and have a blast and make money 🙂 Please email bikini photos to the reply email or text Dan for more details: 909-xxx-xxxx.”
Oh good, now I can get that boob job
looking for high school dropouts – “We want to help you! Must be female, 18 to 26 very motivated and wanting to be self employed! Email us for info!”
Ok well I graduated so I can’t technically apply for this one, and I’m over 26, but I am female! And I’m pretty sure that’s all that really matters in this case
Entreprenuers (his spelling, not mine) – “Looking for someone interested in a self employment position. Serious only!! Reply I will tell you whats going on?
I have to call you to ask about the job that you want me to be serious about?
To Be Continued…since this is what I do all day.